Grief: Will I Ever Get Over This Loss?

Maggie Shumpert

MA, LPC

3/25/2025

As I work with those who are grieving, I hear this question a lot. My answer is always the same: no, you won’t get over the loss. This is because grief is not something we get over; it’s a journey and a process we move through. The next question I often hear is, “Why won’t I get over it?”. This is also a simple answer.  Queen Elizabeth II is accredited with saying the famous quote, “Grief is the price we pay for love.” We grieve because we love. Our love for the person we have lost does not magically end at their death. We continue to love this person even if he or she is no longer physically with us.

So, how do we move through this challenging journey of grief? It’s not always a neat step-by-step process; sometimes, it’s messy and hurts. On those days, we give ourselves grace and take it day by day, hour by hour, or even minute by minute. On the good days, we also provide ourselves with grace and grace to feel joy again, laugh, and enjoy life. These emotions do not mean we have forgotten our loved one, just that we are beginning to move through the grief process and are adapting to our new normal without our loved one physically here with us.

I have an illustration I use with grief clients called the grief ball and pain button. The basic concept of the illustration is that our grief ball at the beginning of the loss is enormous and hits our pain button often. As time moves forward from the loss, the grief ball begins to get smaller, giving it more room to move inside without hitting the pain button. Never does the grief magically go away, or the pain button disappears, but the grief becomes so much smaller that it can move around freely without hitting the pain button as often. Remember that it may sometimes hit the pain button in our lives, but it bounces away, and the pain subsides quickly. I like to refer to these little moments as simply grief spasms. They sometimes occur out of nowhere and often end as soon as they start.

So, to return to the initial question, no, we don’t get over grief. We continue to love the person we have lost and adapt to a new way of life. We begin to find peace, joy, and happiness in life even after the loss occurs.